The Great Performance
I read an article yesterday entitled "The Emancipation From American Church" by John Pavlovitz and it quickened my heart because it was very close to reading my own story in this journey of faith and life.... He has a line that states "I use to think that it was just me, that it was my problem, my deficiency, my moral defect", it perfectly describes how I have felt.
I am not pointing my finger at one organization, one person, one church but at the experience with religious organizations as a whole. I am also not saying they are all the same and bad and we must avoid them at all cost. I am wise enough to know if a human is involved then there will be human influence and errors in excess. I am just saying that we have no idea the influence these organizations have on an individual.
We tend to think that the one we pledge our allegiance to is the most correct and right, everyone else is inferior or wrong, or going to hell. When in truth I rant on a regular basis that not one of us has it completely right because there has been too much man intervention in the decision making and less seeking God for direction and to much taking the role of God and being mans judge and jury. This week I made a judgment on an individual based on minimal conversation and full view of action. When more information came to light, I realized how wrong I was in the original judgment.... not even mentioning that God tells us in Matthew 7:1 to not judge, so that you wont be judged.... oh how I fail in this area....
Maybe my great performance is in perfection, the need to make right decisions, to be kind, to not harm, to not judge (which I fail miserably at), make soul health decisions and to search out for truth. My dearest friend tells me I am a seeker, and she will only start worrying about me when I stop seeking out truth. I actually see that as a compliment. I love to study and read. Always have, just my topics change. But I don't really do this to obtain perfection but have understanding, and what I am learning is that I probably will never obtain understanding in the areas that tug at my soul.
I heard a statement, not that it was referenced towards me but I kind of took it to heart, it was basically that God didn't expect us to be perfect and sometimes we spend to much time trying to be.
I think about how many Sunday school classes I have sat in that attempted to tell me that perfection was the goal and anything outside is a sin..... where the list of thou shall not's were the focus with minimal instruction on the depth of HIS love, and that He is love.
Or how many Church services I have sat in that pumped God up as the wish maker and that if you haven't experienced a miracle then you haven't paid enough in the offering and need pump up your giving.... little about how more beautiful it is to walk in consistency with HIM on a daily basis and learn to see the whisper of the wind voice instead of wondering what is wrong with you because you are not experiencing the miracles.
I remember when I was in the midst of my 18 month round of physical therapy after my spinal surgery someone asking me what sin I have not repented of because I wasn't healed....
I don't share these few experiences to point a finger at organized religion because I attend church basically every Sunday. I think it is vital because He tells us in Hebrews 10:25 to not stay away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other.... that is HIS words not mine and it is what gets me up and why I attend but my experiences have me on a journey seeking truth and a true experience. I have broke bread within the last six months with individuals of different faiths and denominations and have received such gifts of knowledge and clarity. But I also received even more revelation that not one of us has it perfect and all struggle with the great performance of thinking ours is the only right direction.
John Pavlowitz also had a line " I am not losing my mind, I'm not losing my faith. I am not falling or backsliding. I have simply outgrown American Christianity" and when I read that I first cheered and said exactly, exactly, then I cried because it sadden my heart. He listed examples which included bigotry, politically guided, damming.... and I thought of one other, empty. Sometimes it feels so empty.... plastic and full of performance.
Please don't distort my words in thinking that I am in a spiritual crisis because I am not, I am just a seeker looking for truth, genuine and something that is filling. This is just my journey and I am sharing my steps with you. I know that I am not alone on this path because I have heard of others who have shared with me their experiences. I seek HIM and I know that He will not fail me. He reminded me this week that it isn't about perfection but consistency, consistency in seeking this truth, consistency in seeking HIM, consistency in my actions regardless of other actions. That those that want to judge openly or in secret just don't understand and that really is okay because they are on their own path. I will continue to seek mine.
Thanks for letting me share....
G
I am not pointing my finger at one organization, one person, one church but at the experience with religious organizations as a whole. I am also not saying they are all the same and bad and we must avoid them at all cost. I am wise enough to know if a human is involved then there will be human influence and errors in excess. I am just saying that we have no idea the influence these organizations have on an individual.
We tend to think that the one we pledge our allegiance to is the most correct and right, everyone else is inferior or wrong, or going to hell. When in truth I rant on a regular basis that not one of us has it completely right because there has been too much man intervention in the decision making and less seeking God for direction and to much taking the role of God and being mans judge and jury. This week I made a judgment on an individual based on minimal conversation and full view of action. When more information came to light, I realized how wrong I was in the original judgment.... not even mentioning that God tells us in Matthew 7:1 to not judge, so that you wont be judged.... oh how I fail in this area....
Maybe my great performance is in perfection, the need to make right decisions, to be kind, to not harm, to not judge (which I fail miserably at), make soul health decisions and to search out for truth. My dearest friend tells me I am a seeker, and she will only start worrying about me when I stop seeking out truth. I actually see that as a compliment. I love to study and read. Always have, just my topics change. But I don't really do this to obtain perfection but have understanding, and what I am learning is that I probably will never obtain understanding in the areas that tug at my soul.
I heard a statement, not that it was referenced towards me but I kind of took it to heart, it was basically that God didn't expect us to be perfect and sometimes we spend to much time trying to be.
I think about how many Sunday school classes I have sat in that attempted to tell me that perfection was the goal and anything outside is a sin..... where the list of thou shall not's were the focus with minimal instruction on the depth of HIS love, and that He is love.
Or how many Church services I have sat in that pumped God up as the wish maker and that if you haven't experienced a miracle then you haven't paid enough in the offering and need pump up your giving.... little about how more beautiful it is to walk in consistency with HIM on a daily basis and learn to see the whisper of the wind voice instead of wondering what is wrong with you because you are not experiencing the miracles.
I remember when I was in the midst of my 18 month round of physical therapy after my spinal surgery someone asking me what sin I have not repented of because I wasn't healed....
I don't share these few experiences to point a finger at organized religion because I attend church basically every Sunday. I think it is vital because He tells us in Hebrews 10:25 to not stay away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other.... that is HIS words not mine and it is what gets me up and why I attend but my experiences have me on a journey seeking truth and a true experience. I have broke bread within the last six months with individuals of different faiths and denominations and have received such gifts of knowledge and clarity. But I also received even more revelation that not one of us has it perfect and all struggle with the great performance of thinking ours is the only right direction.
John Pavlowitz also had a line " I am not losing my mind, I'm not losing my faith. I am not falling or backsliding. I have simply outgrown American Christianity" and when I read that I first cheered and said exactly, exactly, then I cried because it sadden my heart. He listed examples which included bigotry, politically guided, damming.... and I thought of one other, empty. Sometimes it feels so empty.... plastic and full of performance.
Please don't distort my words in thinking that I am in a spiritual crisis because I am not, I am just a seeker looking for truth, genuine and something that is filling. This is just my journey and I am sharing my steps with you. I know that I am not alone on this path because I have heard of others who have shared with me their experiences. I seek HIM and I know that He will not fail me. He reminded me this week that it isn't about perfection but consistency, consistency in seeking this truth, consistency in seeking HIM, consistency in my actions regardless of other actions. That those that want to judge openly or in secret just don't understand and that really is okay because they are on their own path. I will continue to seek mine.
Thanks for letting me share....
G
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