08-29-16
I know that I was created to write.... but I feel challenged in doing so.... the typical challenge of who will read what I have to say....
Where do I even begin....
I know of others around me who feel the same way about themselves, that they are created to write.... why does it feel like a competition.... if I write, will it take something from there writing....
Will I hold back because I don't want to offend.... will it be used against me again.... can I stand up to it this time rather then stop because I was afraid......
I hate fear.... I feel that it totally paralyzes me.... wanting to not offend... wanting to please is governed by fear.... fear of rejection.... all of it stemming from pride.... control... but who really wants to admit they are prideful and want control.... but isn't fear exactly that.... the loss of control....
So, I sit and type what is happening at the moment... and really I shouldn't care about how it is perceived... how it is interpreted.... but trust His guidance ...
I was listening to an interview with Donald Miller regarding his new book on intimacy... He drew a circle, inside he wrote self, then another circle around the first where he wrote, shame, then a third circle where he wrote costume.... He goes bigger than just wearing a mask, he says we wear a costume with the true self in the center being hid from the shame we feel and the costume that we wear. This is better than the mask because it is total, not just the face but the whole being.... He states we long for someone to accept the self, the true self, but the costume has to come off... and the shame has to be dealt with....
I think about heading to do this day.... the costume is more than the clothes put on, it is more encompassing... So how does the costume come off.... How do I do this day without it.... How does fear be put under my feet and total trust of HIM come in to play....
Where do I even begin....
I know of others around me who feel the same way about themselves, that they are created to write.... why does it feel like a competition.... if I write, will it take something from there writing....
Will I hold back because I don't want to offend.... will it be used against me again.... can I stand up to it this time rather then stop because I was afraid......
I hate fear.... I feel that it totally paralyzes me.... wanting to not offend... wanting to please is governed by fear.... fear of rejection.... all of it stemming from pride.... control... but who really wants to admit they are prideful and want control.... but isn't fear exactly that.... the loss of control....
So, I sit and type what is happening at the moment... and really I shouldn't care about how it is perceived... how it is interpreted.... but trust His guidance ...
I was listening to an interview with Donald Miller regarding his new book on intimacy... He drew a circle, inside he wrote self, then another circle around the first where he wrote, shame, then a third circle where he wrote costume.... He goes bigger than just wearing a mask, he says we wear a costume with the true self in the center being hid from the shame we feel and the costume that we wear. This is better than the mask because it is total, not just the face but the whole being.... He states we long for someone to accept the self, the true self, but the costume has to come off... and the shame has to be dealt with....
I think about heading to do this day.... the costume is more than the clothes put on, it is more encompassing... So how does the costume come off.... How do I do this day without it.... How does fear be put under my feet and total trust of HIM come in to play....
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