12-1-16
I always feel strong sitting in this spot.... the space I call my little sanctuary... my place.... I feel empowered, challenged.... encouraged to pursue....
Then I stand up.... and start my day... leaving the power, the encouragement.... forgetting the challenge and moving in my day.
Going from wanting to pursue and be pursued to drifting in the ebb and flow....
Not really noticing where the shift has taken place. Only feeling the effects at the end of the day, or being woke up to full repentance for a perceived and most likely a real infraction... there is nothing like waking up at 3 in the morning with a thought or a reliving of a failure.
I have given a lot of thought to my upbringing and the teachings I have received regarding HIM.... the schooling of being fearful of HIM. That HE was the GOD of no's.... and never the yes.... How HE has pursued and chased me to show me different. Yet the old wants to rise up to overshadow the new.... why does that happen.... I find myself these days seeking truth.... what is the real story and what does following HIM really suppose to look like. This isn't even a new journey for me... but it feels new and real each day when I step away from this sanctuary to walk out my real life. Or is my real life sitting in my safe sanctuary where I feel peace.... encouraged... challenged to walk in truth....
As I read the gospels, I feel encouraged that even the disciples that experienced the miracles first hand struggled with their faith and grasping WHO was really walking with them.... they saw it first hand....yet struggled.... I don't want to write that off as permission for myself but it does encourage me that my falls may be normal and expected.
I fail daily... but I find myself looking up daily.
Is the world of the follower really just the seeking of truth.... trying to live it out to the best of ones ability. I can already feel the argument arising regarding that statement.... so many views.... what is truth and the real path. I think the one outlined in the Word? I have heard it twisted as well...
Then I stand up.... and start my day... leaving the power, the encouragement.... forgetting the challenge and moving in my day.
Going from wanting to pursue and be pursued to drifting in the ebb and flow....
Not really noticing where the shift has taken place. Only feeling the effects at the end of the day, or being woke up to full repentance for a perceived and most likely a real infraction... there is nothing like waking up at 3 in the morning with a thought or a reliving of a failure.
I have given a lot of thought to my upbringing and the teachings I have received regarding HIM.... the schooling of being fearful of HIM. That HE was the GOD of no's.... and never the yes.... How HE has pursued and chased me to show me different. Yet the old wants to rise up to overshadow the new.... why does that happen.... I find myself these days seeking truth.... what is the real story and what does following HIM really suppose to look like. This isn't even a new journey for me... but it feels new and real each day when I step away from this sanctuary to walk out my real life. Or is my real life sitting in my safe sanctuary where I feel peace.... encouraged... challenged to walk in truth....
As I read the gospels, I feel encouraged that even the disciples that experienced the miracles first hand struggled with their faith and grasping WHO was really walking with them.... they saw it first hand....yet struggled.... I don't want to write that off as permission for myself but it does encourage me that my falls may be normal and expected.
I fail daily... but I find myself looking up daily.
Is the world of the follower really just the seeking of truth.... trying to live it out to the best of ones ability. I can already feel the argument arising regarding that statement.... so many views.... what is truth and the real path. I think the one outlined in the Word? I have heard it twisted as well...
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