compromise
What a week.... number 1265 on my list thankfulness is specifically generic, I am thankful for a weekend.... though there is much demanding my time, I honestly can choose what gets my time and what is healthy for me, what will allow me to stop, pause and breath for just a moment. To regroup. Recharge.... and honestly shake off, and lay down.....
It feels like the last few weeks have been draining and overwhelming. Difficulty in allowing the gifts of the spirit to show themselves... Everything clamoring for your attention as if it is the only situation presenting itself. Surrounded by the demand to compromise.... Constant literal and figurative cars flying by you from those feeling the pressure to perform, or reacting to the demand of the schedule that have entries written by everyone else but HIM....
I find myself thinking about how often we compromise what is healthy for the spirit and soul, demanding our bodies to take the hit for the compromise in order to fit in the crowd, numb the area so deep inside in order to avoid the dealing.... How the hand loses grip on what is good because all that is demanding pulls and its strength seems more than ours at the moment.
Its hard to find peace in an environment of compromise, what you think is peace is actually a poor temporary imitation of what is real.... and I think it is becoming more and more difficult to distinguish what is legitimate from what is a poor imitation because of the sheer volume....
Within one day, I heard two instances of life being overwhelming, the loss of their grip and the attempt and plotting to stop the pain.... to take it in their own hands... not seeing hope, not feeling the strength of love or life but choosing that this would be the only way to handle it.... my heart breaks because they feel and felt this was the answer to the pain digging in their hearts. It wasn't a singular experience but it was multiple.... they were tired of other damaged people damaging them.... tired of the body that was racked with pain not giving relief....
I think what makes these conversations so taxing, is that first I get what they are saying.... they are hurting.... don't see the light or the end of the story. Second, they have people surrounding them complaining about poor service at a restaurant or that they are simply asking someone to do the right thing yet others around them have self tunnel vision blinded to the effect there selfishness has on the one in front of them.
I find myself looking up often, speaking, reminding, saying "so you can actually see specifically me from that great of distance?" then being reminded, yes.... yes I can see you...
Its hard to see peace when you see so much hate all around you.... you wake up to hear that there was yet another shooting, a political rally had to be canceled because of expected violence. You are reviewing your choices to lead this county and shake your head because in truth, there really isn't a choice, how do you choose between someone who isn't accountable for their lies and one that wants to promote racism and hate. Not seeing God in any of the choices.....
Its hard to live how God desires when you live in a society where it isn't the excepted but actually discouraged and will bully you because you try and the bullies are individuals who claim to be followers of Christ. They demand that you compromise and when you give in to the compromise they label you a hypocrite.
How do you choose to keep choosing to live and find life when darkness seems to surround you, where we are in a society that celebrates and waits for shows that promote things of death, take in words from those who write about death. Yet, can't find time to read what is to give life, to listen to what will fill the tanks of joy and encourage you to live.
I find myself listening to the birds singing, the rain falling and thinking, reminding that YOU know what surrounds, YOU know what keeps demanding my attention, YOU know who the bullies are, and the compromises they are living and expecting me to accept.... YOU know it ALL.... YOU know the ones who are ready to take this in their own hands because they are tired.... YOU even know the winner of this crazy election..... YOU know the beginning from the end..... YOU know the beginning and the end of each of our stories.... Nothing is hidden from YOU, and that at one point use to anger me, all of it, because I at one point thought, if YOU are so aware then why do YOU allow it to continue, why don't YOU rescue.... but I have learned something.... that this has to play out accordingly.... just as we desire to be loved, chosen, YOU being love want us to chose and to desire YOU. Not because we are told we have too, not because it is demanded but because we freely give it.... without expectation....but because we desire YOU over anything or anyone.... You gave us freewill to chose... YOU want us to see YOU for the truth of who YOU are.... not because it is forced or demanded because that isn't living, that isn't freedom. You want us to choose as we have been chosen.
YOU know that this journey is demanding and full of people picking up their rock ready to throw them because they are blinded to their own fractions but in tossing those rocks they feel better about their own inadequacies Shield us from the rock throwers, look at them, write in the sand so their arms will go down because they realize they are no different then the one on the ground being shielded.
Help us to see the beauty of life, not just the darkness that wants to consume.... help us to look up and see the blue in YOUR eyes and know we are seen.... Help the choice of life overwhelm the darkness that wants to steal it. Lead us to love regardless and find fullness in the depths of it. Give us strength to not choose compromise of who and whose YOU created us to be, because the compromise steals, destroys, weakens.... never is the winner in the end. Be with us and restore in us those places where compromise has weakened our joy, not our happiness, but our joy and desire for living rather than simply existing..... Help those who read these words not see it as depression because then it would be a false interpretation, these words are not from depression but from the depths of not only listening to other but realizing that compromise has compromised..... that simply watching and listening the observation is truth.... real.... And a daughter talking to her ABBA trusting that words are heard and HIS presence is guaranteed. HIS leading is a definite.
It feels like the last few weeks have been draining and overwhelming. Difficulty in allowing the gifts of the spirit to show themselves... Everything clamoring for your attention as if it is the only situation presenting itself. Surrounded by the demand to compromise.... Constant literal and figurative cars flying by you from those feeling the pressure to perform, or reacting to the demand of the schedule that have entries written by everyone else but HIM....
I find myself thinking about how often we compromise what is healthy for the spirit and soul, demanding our bodies to take the hit for the compromise in order to fit in the crowd, numb the area so deep inside in order to avoid the dealing.... How the hand loses grip on what is good because all that is demanding pulls and its strength seems more than ours at the moment.
Its hard to find peace in an environment of compromise, what you think is peace is actually a poor temporary imitation of what is real.... and I think it is becoming more and more difficult to distinguish what is legitimate from what is a poor imitation because of the sheer volume....
Within one day, I heard two instances of life being overwhelming, the loss of their grip and the attempt and plotting to stop the pain.... to take it in their own hands... not seeing hope, not feeling the strength of love or life but choosing that this would be the only way to handle it.... my heart breaks because they feel and felt this was the answer to the pain digging in their hearts. It wasn't a singular experience but it was multiple.... they were tired of other damaged people damaging them.... tired of the body that was racked with pain not giving relief....
I think what makes these conversations so taxing, is that first I get what they are saying.... they are hurting.... don't see the light or the end of the story. Second, they have people surrounding them complaining about poor service at a restaurant or that they are simply asking someone to do the right thing yet others around them have self tunnel vision blinded to the effect there selfishness has on the one in front of them.
I find myself looking up often, speaking, reminding, saying "so you can actually see specifically me from that great of distance?" then being reminded, yes.... yes I can see you...
Its hard to see peace when you see so much hate all around you.... you wake up to hear that there was yet another shooting, a political rally had to be canceled because of expected violence. You are reviewing your choices to lead this county and shake your head because in truth, there really isn't a choice, how do you choose between someone who isn't accountable for their lies and one that wants to promote racism and hate. Not seeing God in any of the choices.....
Its hard to live how God desires when you live in a society where it isn't the excepted but actually discouraged and will bully you because you try and the bullies are individuals who claim to be followers of Christ. They demand that you compromise and when you give in to the compromise they label you a hypocrite.
How do you choose to keep choosing to live and find life when darkness seems to surround you, where we are in a society that celebrates and waits for shows that promote things of death, take in words from those who write about death. Yet, can't find time to read what is to give life, to listen to what will fill the tanks of joy and encourage you to live.
I find myself listening to the birds singing, the rain falling and thinking, reminding that YOU know what surrounds, YOU know what keeps demanding my attention, YOU know who the bullies are, and the compromises they are living and expecting me to accept.... YOU know it ALL.... YOU know the ones who are ready to take this in their own hands because they are tired.... YOU even know the winner of this crazy election..... YOU know the beginning from the end..... YOU know the beginning and the end of each of our stories.... Nothing is hidden from YOU, and that at one point use to anger me, all of it, because I at one point thought, if YOU are so aware then why do YOU allow it to continue, why don't YOU rescue.... but I have learned something.... that this has to play out accordingly.... just as we desire to be loved, chosen, YOU being love want us to chose and to desire YOU. Not because we are told we have too, not because it is demanded but because we freely give it.... without expectation....but because we desire YOU over anything or anyone.... You gave us freewill to chose... YOU want us to see YOU for the truth of who YOU are.... not because it is forced or demanded because that isn't living, that isn't freedom. You want us to choose as we have been chosen.
YOU know that this journey is demanding and full of people picking up their rock ready to throw them because they are blinded to their own fractions but in tossing those rocks they feel better about their own inadequacies Shield us from the rock throwers, look at them, write in the sand so their arms will go down because they realize they are no different then the one on the ground being shielded.
Help us to see the beauty of life, not just the darkness that wants to consume.... help us to look up and see the blue in YOUR eyes and know we are seen.... Help the choice of life overwhelm the darkness that wants to steal it. Lead us to love regardless and find fullness in the depths of it. Give us strength to not choose compromise of who and whose YOU created us to be, because the compromise steals, destroys, weakens.... never is the winner in the end. Be with us and restore in us those places where compromise has weakened our joy, not our happiness, but our joy and desire for living rather than simply existing..... Help those who read these words not see it as depression because then it would be a false interpretation, these words are not from depression but from the depths of not only listening to other but realizing that compromise has compromised..... that simply watching and listening the observation is truth.... real.... And a daughter talking to her ABBA trusting that words are heard and HIS presence is guaranteed. HIS leading is a definite.
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