Come to Me

Have you ever went to your church service and you felt like the one giving the message must have read your head mail.   Knew what you were wrestling with in your spirit?

It has happened to me several times within the last month or so.   I will sit down and he will start talking and it will be on a topic that was on my mind that morning or within the past week.

Sunday was no different for me.   He said something about himself and his family that I have said to myself and to a few others.   I don't call myself a Christian but I say I am a follower of Christ.    

That is the premise of why I started this blog,  to document the journey and be more open and transparent about my process.  One it makes me own it and two maybe it will help someone else along the way.   

He said that there are people saying they are Christians and living a life that has caused being a Christian to be frowned upon, giving it a bad name.      I would agree.    I think we all can be hypocrites by nature but I think we make it harder than HE ever intended it to be.    I am searching for the organic relationship with Him.   One that is without the additives that man has assigned to the walk.  But what He truly wants it to be.  

That will be a different blog for a later date....

Returning to Sunday,  I entered church struggling in the attending,  late entering the door because I was slow in moving from allowing myself a moment to be deep in thought.  Giving myself permission to process what was developing in my spirit.   The night before I had a melt down in a meeting with individuals that know me for one or two weekends a year.  Only a couple that have had intentional conversations with me.    The melt down was warranted because I was unsure of the responsibility that was being given to me and honestly unsure if this was even right for me to be in the position.  Was it me accepting this or was it Gods will for me to be taking it on.   But the individuals in the room don't know me well enough to understand that the struggle they saw was warranted,  they just saw the meltdown.   So Sunday morning I was processing this episode,   plus a few other things...

So entering church a few moments late,   walking in thinking, is this where I need to be today God? 

He starts speaking....  then HE starts speaking....   I hear HIM say "come to me"   

Jesus, I really want to walk a legit walk with YOU   authentic.    Without manipulations.  Without worrying what others will say, will think...

"Come to me daughter,  you who are burdened,  Come to me"

God one more person corrected me, telling me how they thought I should feel.   How they thought I should react.

"Come to me"

Needless to say,  this conversation continued during service so I received my answer that I was where I needed to be that morning. 

I like to go to the gym after church,  it is my favorite gym day, if I have to have one.   I get on the elliptical with the goal of diverting the pain of being on this machine, diverting my brain from processing a situation that I wanted to overthink,   a friend who is struggling,  and simply watch some HGTV.   I left my music source in my locker because I wanted and needed visual distraction.   I start the process,  I go to turn on the TV and it doesn't get a signal,  this one has always worked,  I turn it off then back on. 

No luck....   

I hear it again, but this time I hear the complete verse "Come to Me,  all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest"  (Matthew 11:28)   

I don't want you to think this happens to me often,  because it doesn't,  it doesn't at all....  but it was happening now....   and I had just heard in the sermon the need for obedience.   So I knew that I needed to be obedient.   

So I started praying,  first for the friend who was struggling....   then for myself.  

"Give me your burden" 

So I started downloading all those things that were on my heart,  thankful I was on this machine that would allow me to push and push.  

I realized that HE truly did want my burdens.    He wanted to hear what was making me weary.    And He really wanted to give me peace within it all.     I was reminded that HE choose me, that His actions towards me are not based on my approach to Him.   Whether I responded the way everyone thought I should, He simply wanted to me come to Him.   He doesn't give dirty looks or cold shoulders or dismisses my problem but welcomes me to sit and to be.    He welcomes...

I think He does desire an authentic approach in my coming,  a transparency that demands honesty.   A heart that wants to please Him rather than please the people in my world.  

But He simply wants me to come to Him and by telling Him, I will find that rest in my spirit.   It is the being authentic that may not be accepted by people but with Him it is the expectation and it is welcomed and asked for,  not because He is demanding but because He loves.  

I know it was His spirit talking to mine,  reminding me of HIS word.  HIS promise.   That He isn't afraid of my transparency,   my meltdowns,   my disappointments and He loves to hear my excitement, even over the 30 minutes of cardio that I completed.   

I believe He was simply pleased that I came to HIM....