Hello Beautiful

I ran to church immediately after work on Friday, I was serving at the Safe Haven Banquet.    I was just pinning corsages.   Let me just say, I was a bit nervous about sticking someone.    I was early,  waiting on the one who asked me to volunteer.    My introvert part wasn't even sure who to talk too.    It always feels awkward... 

I looked up on the wall and saw this sign.....   I thought has it always been there,  or is it just for tonight.   A reminder to these ladies.... 

But it hit a sensitive part in me.    I could have melted right where I was standing.    Tears welled up.  Where was this coming from....   I wanted to run but Lord knows His daughter,  I will show, remain,  when I tell you I will help....   

How long has it been since I have heard anyone say that to me and mean it....

I snap a picture, because that's what this girl does when it hits a spot in my soul.... 

I finished and planned to bolt but something led me to go in and listen.    I have heard our Pastor share this word,  yes it is different but the meaning is the same.   But this time it hit deep within me.  I was humbled because I was reminded of where God rescued me from.  I realized that Daddy wanted me to hear it again.... because each time I do,  another layer is taken off.

The last time I heard the words hello beautiful from an individual I thought meant it,  but in truth believed, was when I wasn't walking in relationship with God.   Matter of fact,  I was angry at HIM,  made some choices that reflected my anger....   I was being out right rebellious.   

I believed the words at that time because I was skinny,    size 5 skinny.    I was tan and fit.   But I was also smoking a pack a day and living off of diet Pepsi. 

I believed those words at that time because I felt beautiful and I thought that it was about physical appearance at that time.

Lets just say my body has changed.   But what changed my body saved my life.

Details for a later time.   Maybe...

Friday night takes me back to that time period....   I listen and realize how many times I exchanged truth for a lie.    How I still do it at times....    I listen and take it in....  I allow ABBA to whisper to me.   

"Daughter,   it isn't about physical beauty but you are beautiful to ME,  even physically" 

"Believe me daughter"

"You were meant to see that sign tonight daughter,   those are MY words to you"

"Believe me daughter" 

I have pondered on that sign all weekend,  HE reminds me that my beauty isn't tied to just physical beauty,   or being a wife,   or mother....   or a size 5.     

I was reminded of where and when HE woo'd me back.   Where HE led me to release the anger,  the rebellion.    Where He found me,  maybe better wording,  HE was always in the shadow whispering,  I finally turned because I was on the bottom of the ocean of my situation and I grabbed HIS hand because I knew deep down that HE was the answer... the only one. 

Friday night,  I watch these beautiful ladies listen and take the first step towards freedom.  Real freedom.   It was so so beautiful.   I then hear my Pastor say something about there are even those who are volunteering that need healing from trauma that has been dealt with,  she asked for hands to be raised so she could be praying for those individual.     I held my breath.     I didn't raise my hand and I was suppose too....

I was taken off guard,  this night wasn't about me.   I was just here to help. 

I jetted out....  unsure how to process what I just experienced.....   I see the sign again....

ABBA,  I don't have a husband that whispers that to me....

I don't have a child that tells me that..... 

ABBA,  it has been so so long....  so long since I believed those words..... 

He has continued to remind me....   believe ME daughter.    There really is nothing like the Creator of this universe telling me that I am beautiful.    He shows me daily in HIS creation,  flowers,  sunrises,  sunsets,    ocean waves,   blue skies,   HE shows me everyday.... but says I am even more beautiful because HE sees HIS SON in me.   That I am HIS masterpiece....    Believe me daughter....