08-18-19 Perspective

I always enjoy watching the dance of a bird when they are soaring....  I wonder if they are living their best now,   are they happiest when they feel the wind under their wings,  lifting them higher and higher,  enjoying the ride.   Enjoying what they were created for,  living their full purpose.      I could have sat for hours this day,  just taking in the wind and the view.   I saw the hawk again this morning as I was leaving church.    I have a friend,  who told me her story regarding a hawk,  how one always seems to show up when something influential is about to happen in her life.    She has shared multiple stories,  maybe coincidence,  but I will be honest,  the more she shared, the more I realized there was a true theme.     I saw one a couple of weeks ago as I was leaving church,  he was gliding and then all of a sudden took a nose dive after some sort of prey he was hunting.   It was like a dance.   It was beautiful to witness and honestly,  I truly believe I was meant to see it.    I was reminded to stay focused,   keep looking,   keep watch.     This morning when I left church,  the hawk was simply flying and gliding.   Peaceful.     I again,  think ABBA was just trying to remind me to stay focused.   Choose peace.    Choose life.       Sometime that isn't the easiest place for me to remain.   I struggle with the place of peace.    He knows exactly how to speak to me.    When I look up.    He never disappoints when He knows I am desperate to be reminded that I am seen. 

Choosing life isn't always easy....  I am not sure why HE chose this path for me,  I know I am abundantly blessed but it isn't easy.     I was sitting in Church this morning,  and here is my dis-clamor,  I know I am attending where I am suppose to be attending.   I love my church and honestly I don't believe there is a perfect church.  None of them have it right,  but some really want to do right and I believe mine is one of them.   I know a few who really are trying.   That's my dis-clamor.     This morning I was listening to one more sermon that turned towards marriage,  it wasn't the whole sermon but it always goes in to this direction.    I know it is important because believe me,  I know marriage and families are daily attacked.   But honestly,  sometimes I just want to get up and go home...  because there is no where to escape from realizing your status in this life.    I whispered Jesus help me,   my heart aches enough.    Being single at this age seems like a broken toy being left on the island of misfit toys.    He whispered back,   He reminded me of something yesterday,   my little five year old niece hung out with me for a few hours.   She is shy and quiet when there are people around that are not her people but yesterday,  I realized I was one of her people.   She shared the whole story and movie with me and at one point stood up and started dancing.   Such freedom.   I just laughed.  It warmed my heart to see her freedom.   She felt safe and she was happy.    When I took her home, she needed help navigating the seat belt and door because she was going home with a sweet in her hand.  When we arrived at her house,  she said she could get her belt and door,  then looked at me and said she needed help with the door.   I didn't make her wait,  I went to the door immediately.      When we went inside,  her little brother kept tapping me on the leg to pick him up.    When I got ready to leave, he let me  lift him up and he would have went with me,  he was pushing everyone else away.   Lord knows,  that filled my heart.    But God used those interactions to remind me,   that I am His beautiful daughter,   that even though I feel like a misfit,   He chose me,  and He wants me to live my life like my niece,  for an audience of ONE,  that He chooses me every time,   HE wants me to dance when I feel light and even when it feels heavy,   to reach up and HE will pick me up.   That He smiles at me.  And HE loves when I choose HIM.    That He will push away what needs to be pushed away,  that I am safe in HIS arms.    Just allow HIM to pick me up.

Even when I am constantly in an environment that feels overwhelming,  HE wants me to sore and catch the wind of HIS Spirit and allow HIM to do the work.  I am just to abide,   lift my hands up and sore.  He has been showing me a lot about perspective.    Thinking you have the right one to only realize down the line that it wasn't.    As we are working through all this,   I want to choose to dance and to abide.     This is such a process, but I tell you,  the one thing I have gleamed,  my ABBA corrects in love and it is a beautiful process.

081819 perspective