02-18-18 My Today Thoughts...

I look up

The past two weeks I have experienced a situation that broke my heart... reminded me of the pain that people carry every day...   true,  deep,  pain....   I had some one stand in front of me and cry out,  this is why people commit suicide...  the pain is not seen or heard by anyone in their lives and when it is, its dismissed because they don't know what to do with it....    This person was talking about how they were treated...  they were struggling but instead of others helping them up... or simply listening,  they kicked them down with their words...  tore them up....   When she said that to me, I took notice.  

For two weeks I have tried to share an experience and then a loss that I had,  every time I started to talk about it,  I was dismissed,  someone interrupted or I could perceive the person checked out within five words....   so I stopped.  I didn't go any further.     Or I was given the token,  I will pray for you, then the smile.  So the sharing was never completed.

Every time... dismissed or checked out.    

At first,  I was angry,  hurt....

 

I had an understanding of what this person who was talking to me about the drive to suicide.   Would we even recognize if it was even in front of us...  

I am not writing this to point a finger or spill my offense because honestly I have learned, I have to let go of that pretty quickly.  I am just really blown away how surface we have become with each other.  Maybe I feel the effects because honestly there are few,  I mean few, people who take time to hear me.   I listen well but few who hear my pain.   This world forces such a pace that to sit across a table with an individual and interact in true conversation is rare...  it is becoming a lost art.  

I have seen internal struggle so deep.... pain that drove to a decision that once made you can't return from.... not without an eternal intervention...   I have seen it.   I wondered if these individuals would have been heard.... loved and given a safe place to express their pain, would the decision have been different...  

Last night I had the deepest feeling of aloneness...   I felt it so strong that I just wanted to craw under my covers and sleep forever...  that is a very rare feeling for me...  normally I can shake it off,  remind myself of WHOSE I am....   I did crawl under those covers but I started talking to my Abba...  I started sharing the pain of the past two weeks....   He started reminding me of the good in the midst...  I knew I was being heard by HIM.     I went to sleep with that reminder.... He hears me...  that was significant for me...

I am not saying all this to bring attention me....   I am just saying,  if you really really listen....  and you really look with clear eyes.... you will see just how much pain is around you.    People are experiencing depths of hurt....     It is this pain that leads to decisions to numb that pain...  we drink,  we overeat,  we cling to a one night partner just have someone to touch us... we take a pill that leads to multiple pills in hope to ease that pain.....  I just wonder, if we changed how we love and treat others,  if the need to reach out to other things would change...   

Are we followers of Christ showing that HE is the reach out... the one to reach out too.  Are we being HIM in flesh to others around us?

I can serve a hundred different ways for my church, but if I am not showing HIM in my every day experiences,  I am just simply getting a check mark or a feather my fleshly hat....     

I have this couple that lives up town.   They came in every morning to fill their water bottles and to clean up in the bathroom.    I struck up a conversation with her...  I asked her simply how she was,  I stopped and listened.  They needed a phone number for an organization,  I gave it to her.   Every time I saw her I simply said hello and asked how they were doing.   I built a trust with her.   One day, I was walking on my break and she saw me and stopped me,  she called me the preacher lady because I told her I would be praying,  but that day she needed prayer at that very moment for her boyfriend.  He was very sick and just wasn't shaking it.   So I stopped grabbed their hands and prayed right then.  So for two years now, I have watched their situation change for the good.   They were married this past fall,   She saw me leaving for the day and told me she wanted me to know and if I would I pray a blessing for them.  I prayed for them again.      I don't share that story for my kudos because honestly, I did nothing but listen and pray when I could.   I knew God was teaching me something bigger in this divine appointment.   

All it takes is a moment...   

I am learning that by listening I am His ears when His kids need heard by flesh...  that simple listening  can change a direction that an individual makes...    

ABBA

I think You for reminding me to look to YOU....  

that You hear me every time! 

I am thankful that there is nothing I experience or face that You, yourself have not experienced. 

You understand pain and aloneness.  You were praying in the garden before Your betrayal, You asked your disciples to pray but when You returned, they were sleeping.   You understand the painful prayer in the midst of heart ache.    But You continued to pray anyways.   

May I do the same....  

ABBA I pray that You help me to recognize the individuals You place in front of me...  May I recognize the divine appointments orchestrated,  whether they are familiar people or complete strangers.   May You give me eyes to see and ears to hear.  May my words be few if needed but my love that flows comes from You overflow to them.  May they see YOU.