11-6-17 Thought

I was sitting in church on Sunday listening to the sermon.   I was so thankful to be sitting in church....  I needed HIM.  I needed a moment to pause life and thoughts...  to hear HIM.   The Pastor was speaking about obstacles that keep us from hearing God.   He was talking about disobedience,  leading to a hardened heart that goes to unrepentant heart.

I felt this whisper that said, Ginger you have been snorkeling and I want you to deep sea dive.   Though you see beauty in snorkeling, you are still able to jump back in the boat and your trying to fix this on your own.   When you deep sea dive you are dependent on my air and my direction. 

I thought first, what an interesting thought,  I have done neither of these activities...

But then I know the whisper was correct....  I have been satisfied with simply skimming the surface... looking at the beauty without really experiencing the depth of the beauty.   Still depending on my effort and not simply going deep where I would experience the beauty not every eye will see.   Not every heart will experience. 

All this goes with the continued battle of religion verses relationship.   Being a church girl or actually being a true follower of Christ.     My snorkeling is my religion,  wanting to still have some sense of control.   I hear the whisper,  how has that worked for you so far....  my answer,  its never consistent...   its a temp fix. 

What would happen if you exchange the snorkel for MY tank of air breathing in your longs?  Letting go and choosing to go deep? 

That question makes me antsy,  not in a bad way, but in a way that excites me yet fearful.  But I know the fear part does not come from HIM.

I am quickly reminded that this is my relationship with HIM.  That it doesn't have to be justified or approved by anyone.  He simply wants me to trade in the surface and go deep.

I once was a deep diver and I wondered when I traded it in....  that is the question I pose to HIM.  When did I switch in?

Was it when I left the church I found my way back to YOU? But I know that was YOU moving me.

Was it when I was categorized as be different?  No,  you have never had a problem with being a bit different.

Was it when deep prayers still were not answered and prayers were traded in for discouragement? Maybe....  Maybe....   years of watching others receive answered prayers but mine seem very far away....  maybe....   probably...

All I know, is yesterday I felt the whisper of the challenge of going deep.   throwing the snorkel back in the boat and opening hands and sinking deep into HIM....   There is a warmth to the heart when the arms go up and the hands go open.   The release happens....      The release of disappointment... the release of struggle.    You hear the assurance that they don't have to understand but mostly you do not have to explain it.   I call you deeper....   I call you to let go of the false control you think you have....   No longer be satisfied with surface beauty....  go deep where you will be surrounded on all sides by ME and  MY beauty.   

Go deep MY daughter,  go deep.   Hands up and open....

My Abba....  My Love...
I am trading in the snorkel for Your tank of air....
I am lifting my arms and opening my hands.
Releasing this false control.
Choosing to not settle for the surface beauty but choosing YOU.
When I want to shoot to the surface,  may You grab my hand and encourage me to keep going, to keep letting go.
May my eyes see YOU and YOUR beauty.  May they be open to you light.   What may appear as darkness may be actually moving me into the light.