The Wait
I have thought a lot about her counting days.... it was so personal, important to her that counting days was probably the survival action and the reminder of her need.... but she remained persistent in her conversation with her Abba.
A passage of scripture keeps coming to my mind, it was brought to my attention through the last Bible study we just completed. The author presented in differently than I have heard it in the past and it stuck with me... prompting my heart in a manner that I can't dismiss.
Inside the city, near the Sheep Gate, was the pool of Bethesda, with five covered porches. Crowds of sick people--blind, lame, or paralyzed--lay on the porches. One of the men lying there had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him and knew he had been ill for a long time, He asked him, "Would you like to get well?" "I can't, sir," the sick man said, "for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me" Jesus told him, "Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!" Instantly, the man was healed! He rolled up his sleeping mat and began walking!! John 5:2-9
The man basically laid in one area of the city for at least 38 years, which is at least 13,870 days! Waiting to be healed, waiting to make it to the pool he believed would bring him healing. Not making it before someone beat him, waiting on someone to help him be first. His wait wasn't alone, the scripture says there was a crowd of sick people, they were laying on the porch waiting for the water to bubble and hoping to be the first person in, to receive the healing.
If you notice, the key word is the wait....
I have been waiting for awhile on an answered prayer.... it feels like years, it has been years.... I find myself questioning how I have conducted myself in the wait....
I think, at times, I have been a lot like this gentleman, sitting with others that are crippled by fear, paralyzed with hope deferred, blind by circumstances.... comparing infirmities.... situations. Listening to the religious who must have walked by these individuals with a sneer and throwing out their opinions... I can hear some of the religious accusations.... what sin do you think they committed that they are not healed? I can hear the laughter as they make their statements of pride in their walk with God....lifting shoulders back with an air of superiority and judgment. I know what they are saying because I am pretty sure I have been on that side of the pavement too. Throwing the accusations.
In reading this passage, I thought, how in the world has this guy waited for 13,870 days.... what kept him by this pool? Was it that he was not alone in his misery? Better to share in the misery than be alone in it? Did they talk about being the one that will jump in the pool when it was bubbling? Did anyone of this guys friends received the bubbling healing and that was what kept him waiting and hoping. Did something happen on day 9895 that made him keep waiting?
Again, I am prompted, would I be the same way. Am I the same way? Is sharing in the suffering and not hoping for the answer better than believing that there may be another direction, another action taken. Is fitting in with the the paralyzed and fearful better than looking for new friend?
I have to believe this guy was exhausted in his wait, restless from not seeing any change of his circumstance.... tired of listening to the crowd.... their stories grew old.... missing out on living life as it was intended. I am sure his hope, his prayers, his passion, his faith began to waver. I am sure he was desperate for a change of circumstances.
Haven't we all been in this same situation?
Immediately, I am prompted on how often we do the same thing.... we start out all passionate in our prayers for circumstances in our lives, we are gunge ho, reading all the scripture, having all our friends pray about it, listen to us.... buy a new journal to document but on day 12. when we don't see the answer, we grow weary. We settle in on our porches and wait without taking much action, sharing the small things we may see happening.... start asking ourselves, what more can I do, I have fasted, prayed and waited but I still don't see the answer. We become deferred in our hope.... we begin wondering what sin has not been confessed.... did I not pray enough.... or in the right way....
Enters Jesus
He says to the man, "would you like to get well?"
Is Jesus asking that question to us, to me now and am I answering Him in the same manner? I can't sir, I am respectful to Him because I know who He is and I know He is not like anyone else I know. I look at HIM square in the eye and say, I have no one to help me. But He is my help and the only one that can.... I make excuses and say that I am alone, someone else seems to get their prayer answered, I see them get the healing, the spouse, the healed marriage, the new job, the raise.... the list could be long... I am still sitting here with the others who are talking about their unanswered prayers.... whining... complaining. Finding a shallow comfort of comparing....
He tells me to stand up, pick yourself up, start walking..... keep moving... don't be content to sit and compare situations.... get up.... take action..... move.... Follow HIM. Trust HIM..... instantly the man was healed, we will too, if we keep our eyes on Him.... believe Him when He tells us to stand up. Move away from the infirmity of hope deferred. Stop letting unanswered prayers, circumstances paralyze us.... trust the one that tells us to get up....
I have lost count on the days and I confess openly that I have allowed the wait to effect me.... I think He understands that I am weary.... tired and alone in the wait but still He invites me to get up... walk. Walk with HIM. He reminds me that the only action He requires from me is to believe HIM. No matter what whispers I hear that invite me to sit back down on my mat, I am choosing to believe HIM, and to take steps even if the beginning steps are with weak wobbly legs.... I will continue to pursue.
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